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Archive 2011

Untitled

This week I have not been able to complete the assignment. Despite taking a few contacts I have not been able to follow them through throughout the week as I have been too busy at work.

This is the last week I am working full-time inshallah; from next week I’ll only work 2-3 days a week. It should give me more time to fulfil my academic commitments.

As of today, it has been two months since I have arrived in London. The journey has been so hectic it feels I have been here for ages, but life reminds constantly that I am new here. Time and again I feel lonely; I am getting to know this city, but it’s still full of mystery. It should fill me with the trepidation of explorers, and it often does, but I miss the familiarity of old places. London is not home, yet.

The course is going ok, but I really miss the classroom. I miss the interaction with the teachers, too, and I often get the feeling I am not progressing at all. I feel frustrated by the lack of contact, I lack my initial enthusiasm and I struggle to find ideas to fulfil the briefs. I often end up taking photos that have nothing to do with what I am asked to do and fail.Β I have no stimulating dialogue whatsoever.

At the present I can fairly say I do not have a social life. I have brief encounters with strangers from all sorts of backgrounds, but nothing particularly stable, often nothing I am particularly keen to keep up.

Since the end of January I have been working at the local McDonald. I took the opportunity to work immediately, especially because, when I started working I still was not sure whether I was able to continue my studies at LCC or not. College was the reason I moved to London but often studying has become secondary. For more than a month now I have been working 5 days a week on a daily 9 hours schedule, starting at 8am and finishing at 5pm. I have found it really hard to finish the assignments; sometime, like this week, it just doesn’t work out.

Working albeit briefly in McDonald has had quite an impact on me. Sometimes it has made me feel very old and yet immature and it has made me question my identity in this new contest; people take for granted that I am just another immigrant, that I have moved here with my family and my children. They are surprised when I say that I am not married and have no intention of having children, that I am neither Christian nor Muslim, that I am studying Photography and that I hate wearing the uniform. I want people to see me as someone special, I am better than that.

And yes, I condemn my own arrogance.

For now, my only remedy to social and intellectual starvation is reading.

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Discussion

4 thoughts on “Untitled

  1. Alice, what can I say – this is so nicely written. It’s funny what you say about getting frustrated with the assignments and the isolation because it puts it into perspective for me, I guess. I’ve just spent the past few days feeling much the same and yet I do have the time to do what I should. Sometimes it so hard to realise ideas, especially when they come from a complicated place. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is seeing this post just now, after a whole day failing to do what I wanted to do, it was really comforting. Even in the class it can be difficult to engage. I’m not trying to suggest I have bigger problems or something because you’re certainly fighting harder than I am to do what you need to do, but I’m saying London is a strange place. I find it hard to photograph here. I too am taking refuse in books – sometimes to the detriment of the photography I feel. When I fall out with it, I go to the library and feel happy.
    Also, I just realised the meet-up with the onliners is tomorrow I think and because of my failed work so far this week I really can’t make it – it’s my last chance to pull something together in time for the tutorial. But would be so nice to meet up with you soon. Any free time this weekend? For a coffee or a drink? I can’t help but feel we’d have plenty to talk about! It’s so nice to see some thoughts that chime well with my own. Good luck and keep going.

    Posted by madeleinecorcoran | March 8, 2011, 6:08 pm
  2. Hey Madelein it’s nice to hear from you!

    Well I guess this is exactly what I was talking about – engaging with other people on the course CAN give you a different perspective πŸ™‚

    It’d be great to meet up and feed my caffeine addiction: what time is your tutorial on friday? I’m going to the Birds Eye festival in the evening but we can get a coffee at college in the afternoon if you don’t finish too late?
    otherwise, my mob number is on my ning page – drop me a text! ciao!

    Posted by Alice C. Macchi | March 8, 2011, 7:22 pm
  3. are you in the 2-year online course alice? if so, somehow your rss feed isn’t part of our feeds (i think). would have many things to reply if you’re on the online course as well – sympathize with you!

    Posted by uta beyer | March 9, 2011, 3:22 pm

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