This week I have not been able to complete the assignment. Despite taking a few contacts I have not been able to follow them through throughout the week as I have been too busy at work.
This is the last week I am working full-time inshallah; from next week I’ll only work 2-3 days a week. It should give me more time to fulfil my academic commitments.
As of today, it has been two months since I have arrived in London. The journey has been so hectic it feels I have been here for ages, but life reminds constantly that I am new here. Time and again I feel lonely; I am getting to know this city, but it’s still full of mystery. It should fill me with the trepidation of explorers, and it often does, but I miss the familiarity of old places. London is not home, yet.
The course is going ok, but I really miss the classroom. I miss the interaction with the teachers, too, and I often get the feeling I am not progressing at all. I feel frustrated by the lack of contact, I lack my initial enthusiasm and I struggle to find ideas to fulfil the briefs. I often end up taking photos that have nothing to do with what I am asked to do and fail. I have no stimulating dialogue whatsoever.
At the present I can fairly say I do not have a social life. I have brief encounters with strangers from all sorts of backgrounds, but nothing particularly stable, often nothing I am particularly keen to keep up.
Since the end of January I have been working at the local McDonald. I took the opportunity to work immediately, especially because, when I started working I still was not sure whether I was able to continue my studies at LCC or not. College was the reason I moved to London but often studying has become secondary. For more than a month now I have been working 5 days a week on a daily 9 hours schedule, starting at 8am and finishing at 5pm. I have found it really hard to finish the assignments; sometime, like this week, it just doesn’t work out.
Working albeit briefly in McDonald has had quite an impact on me. Sometimes it has made me feel very old and yet immature and it has made me question my identity in this new contest; people take for granted that I am just another immigrant, that I have moved here with my family and my children. They are surprised when I say that I am not married and have no intention of having children, that I am neither Christian nor Muslim, that I am studying Photography and that I hate wearing the uniform. I want people to see me as someone special, I am better than that.
And yes, I condemn my own arrogance.
For now, my only remedy to social and intellectual starvation is reading.