I am again stuck at home with an injured knee. For the first time since October I have some time off and being bound to bed I though I would update this blog with the latest developments.
In October 2012, I applied to several jobs in the constant effort to get out of McDonald (I had been in the meantime promoted Shift Manager). Unexpectedly, I landed a job at Inditex, the company running among other shops Zara, for a full time position as a Sales Assistant in Bershka. I am still subject to a performance review at the end of January after which the post should hopefully be confirmed. The position is ok and better than my previous job, although not something I would like to do for the rest of my life. I guess there is room for growth within the company, so if nothing better comes along, there could still be several paths I could pursue over there.
This new job could not have come at worst time though, as I needed to finish my dissertation to hand in at the end of November. I spent the last few months of 2012 rushing back and forth, dividing my time between work and project, with serious lack of sleep and on the constant verge of a breakdown. The project has come out completely crap. Everything that could go wrong with it, has gone wrong. I am not one to ‘believe’ in bad luck, but this final project seemed blighted from the get go. At first I was lacking interesting ideas, all those that I pursued ended up in nothing. Out of time, I ended up focusing again on the Heygate estate simply because I had accumulated roughly 1000 photos, and surely I could find 30 to fit into a project. I worked with the local history archive and studied the documentation regarding the opening of the estate in ’70s. The idea was to juxtapose the old documentation with contemporary imagery. Overall the idea itself was not bad, but lack of time (and frankly of some deeper thoughts and theoretical guidance) meant the project was carried out quickly and poorly. I handed in the whole lot and decided to leave it at that. I got a Pass and finally finished my MA with great disappointment, for many reasons.
On December 15th, I turned 28. The end of my studies and the realisation of being now closer to 30 than to 20 really got me thinking about what I want to do with my life. Until a few years ago, not knowing what I would end up doing would have filled me with excitement but now it’s starting to scare me. I am beginning to appreciate a bit of routine and knowing what I am going to do tomorrow. I am starting to desire those long terms commitments that years ago only seemed like burdens. I find myself still leading the life of the a 20-year-old when that time, I feel, has passed, but somehow my circumstances have not changed, yet, with me. I see myself surrounded with teenagers and young people, and all of a sudden I long for more mature company.
My perspective on life has mutated dramatically in what seems a very short period of time, probably simply the final appearance of thoughts I had been harbouring for a while.
I find it ironic, how my current limp mirrors my uneven inner gait as I fully venture into adulthood.